April 18, 2011
Hardcore Human Beings: Grandma Jackie

This is my grandma.

She’s a chain-smokin’, hard-cussin’, candy-lovin’, scrap-of-wrapping-paper-savin’, corn-eatin’ son of a bitch and you do NOT want to fuck with her.  She’s angry with me at the moment because I’ve been avoiding her.  I have a cold, and I don’t want her or grandpa to catch it.  Also, the last time I confessed to her that I was sick, she was so torn up about it that she stressed me out for months.  It was last year when I had lyme disease. 

"Oh, my GOD, you got that SLIME DISEASE.  I was tawking to ANGELA about it and ANGELA told me that ROSIE’S MOTHER had SLIME DISEASE and she had it for FIVE YEARS and they can’t get RID OF IT.  OH GAWD.  OH, WHY MY BABY.  Why.  You can get the ARTHUR-ITIS from that.  Why couldn’t you just STAY IN THE HOUSE?  I can’t SLEEP AT NIGHT.  I don’t know what to DO.  Do you want me to COME OVER?  I could make you some SCHADASCHAGABAGADDA with GRAVY."

  1. annadynamite said: your gramma is fucking nuts. she should party down with my gramma, who is also fucking nuts.
  2. simianidiot posted this
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